In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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