I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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