i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize