no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
