i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
