Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
