The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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