I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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