I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
