OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
