I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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