hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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