I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
