i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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