two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
