I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
