Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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