She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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