That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
