Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
