i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
