I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
