i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
