Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
