I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
