Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
