Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
