Christians are straight up FREAKS
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
