Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
