You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
