If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
