I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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