Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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