dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
