You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
