Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
