Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
