so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
