Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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