I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
