but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
