my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
