totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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