She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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