your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
