Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
