i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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