thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I party with great urgency now.
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