the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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