I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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