best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
