I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
