I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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