Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
