just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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