The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
