I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
