i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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