Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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