my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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