how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
