you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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