The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
