i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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