Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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