I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
