So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
