Little spoons don't ask big questions
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
