Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
