As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
