Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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