I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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