my mouth tastes like poor choices
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
