i think i have two assholes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
