Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
