Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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