He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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