somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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